I've been at home in Ohio this month. But in the last couple of weeks I've gotten some important audition calls, so I've had to travel to New York twice within like a week and a half (I'm here now). My first trip went relatively smoothly until the end when my flight was cancelled, I was rebooked on another flight, then that flight was delayed... long story short I spent 12 hours in the airport. Then I found out I got a callback for Dirty Dancing (this week) so I had to book a last minute trip, and in order to get something affordable, my travel plan was this:                - Drive from Columbus to Cincinnati. -Fly Cincinnati to La Guardia. -Take train from La Guardia to Penn Station. Take Penn Station to NJ transit to get to my affordable Hotel in Newark, NJ.

I have encountered these problems: My flight for yesterday evening was overbooked and I was involuntarily bumped to a flight this morning (Luckily Eric's fam lives in Cincinnati, so I got to visit them). This morning I attempted to go straight from the airport to an audition, but that didn't work out so I decided to go to my hotel. Took the NJ Transit to Newark Airport where my hotel was supposed to be. Then found that I had to take an airtrain to a shuttle to my hotel. Then found out that my Hotel didn't have an airport shuttle and it's a $22 Cab each way!!!! (FALSE ADVERTISING! SOOOOO MAD!!!! I booked that Hotel to SAVE money, not to spend it on a cab!)

Then, in the midst of being upset about all of that and while having the worst headache EVER, I realized that I didn't have my purse. I searched, filed a police report, checked the lost and found, informed security, cried alot, canceled all my cards. But then, thank God, I found it and nothing was missing  (I had a lot of cash and credit cards). Now I'm back at my hotel (still with the worst headache ever). I missed the Broadway Disney audition :(. My callback for Dirty Dancing is tomorrow and I'm hoping I can get rested and practice enough to be ready. This has been a horrible two days. However, I need to get pumped because I have made it to the final rounds of callbacks and I'm so close to getting cast. It's a broadway national tour contract, and it will have extended runs in Chicago, Boston and LA. Cast me cast me cast me! And then please let the run stay in LA a long time so I can be with Eric!

I'm excited, but a bit weary from all of this. Ughh. I can't wait for this trip to be over.

I'm hungry.

I've decided recently that you really can't trust anyone. I have maybe one or two friends that I actually trust....

I don't know, call me traditional, but when someone tells me they are going to be somewhere, I expect them to be there. When someone tells me I can stay at their apartment, I expect them to not leave town the night before I come! When I'm supportive of a friend, I expect them to be supportive of me during important times.  People are so unbelievably self-involved that it astounds me. People say things like "I have to focus on myself right now" and "I have to take care of me" to excuse their unreliability. And they make any and every possible excuse. Excuses that don't make sense. Maybe I just tend to choose friends who can't take time out of their schedule to be there for me when it's important. And I just don't have time for it anymore. I've had a string of very disapointing friends, from high school to the present. And I don't understand, because I've always been a great friend to my friends. And then there are the people who disapear when they get a boyfriend (I'm currently mad at my sister over this issue). You know, they have time to hang out with you when they have nothing better to do, but once they have a guy, they can't be bothered.I hate that. Humanity is disapointing.

Then again, someone found and returned my purse without taking anything out of it. Perhaps there is hope.

I just wrote a long-ass Xanga journal and after I pressed “Post” my computer decided to freeze indefinitely and it didn’t end up being posted. I’m so mad!!! So I’m going to try to duplicate what I wrote, but it will probably be shorter and I’m not going to spend as much time editing. So frustrating after you’ve put so much time into something L

I feel like I should write. So much is going on in my life and, as much as I’d like to stay in denial and pretend things aren’t changing, they are. Even as I talk about it and write about it, it doesn’t seem real. I’ve seen seniors going through this year after year and now it’s me. I’m actually going to graduation and have to get out of my safety zone and make decisions. It’s so daunting.

 I have a week of classes left. In a week and five days we perform our Senior Showcase in NYC for all of the top agents and Casting Directors in the City. I get to condense all four years of hard work and education into a minute and forty seconds of a song. Needless to say, the choice was hard. I love the song I picked, but sometimes I still have doubts about it. How do you choose one song to represent you? I’d probably have doubts no matter what I chose. I just gotta go with it. Scary. The past four years I’ve been performing for (predominantly) the same crowd, so the thought of performing for these very important strangers is a bit scary. Yes, I’m scared. I’ll probably pee my pants. Okay, I won’t do that, but you get the idea.

How am I going to make enough money to survive and still have enough time to pursue my career? To make it as an actor, you have to invest a lot of time and energy in the pursuit, and to live in the cities that enable you to make a career of acting, it takes lots and lots of money. Rent. Food. Medical Insurance (which will be a lot for me due to all my ailments). I can’t believe how many people I know that are planning on depending on their parents for the first couple of years. My parents aren’t able to- they’ve done all they could to send me to an expensive private school- but I wouldn’t want them to, either. I want to be able to do this on my own. I’ll just have to figure out how. And I don’t think waiting tables is for me because I am a horrible waitress. My plan is to be a personal trainer instead. But lots of people get to NY or LA and end up working so much to pay the bills that they don’t even get to pursue the reason that they’re there in the first place! I don’t want that to happen. It will be a struggle.

College is practically over. Have I sewn enough wild oats? Do I have to be serious now?! Okay, I’m not very wild. My oats amounted to a few parties where I drank a bit too much and said some silly things in my intoxicated stupor. That’s okay; I’m not much of a rebel.

I know I had another paragraph right here before it got deleted, but I don’t remember what it was about.

[Rant alert: There will be some complaining in this paragraph.] For the most part, our class- or at least my core- has gotten much closer this year, sharing all our mutual feelings of excitement and anxiety over the future, and knowing that these are the last few months of college. Which is nice. However, lately a few of my classmates have been driving me, well, crazy. Everyone has gotten uber casual about classes, like coming into class 20 or 30 minutes late for no reason and not even apologizing. Or not coming to class just because they don’t feel like it. Or, even worse, being scheduled to present something in Acting class and then, the day of, saying, “Oh, you know, I’m not really ready. Can I go next class?” We end up wasting so much class time! And on those days, if I had had advanced warning that those people would drop the ball, I would have brought something in! Another thing that really bothered me was when Gillian was presenting a piece she created (in acting), and two people were sleeping on the floor during her performance and the feedback session. I spoke up and so did she, and they STILL didn’t sit up. That was so incredibly rude, unprofessional and disrespectful to Gillian. She was really hurt by it. Granted, John (our teacher) should have said something. But he shouldn’t have to say anything. They should be grown-up enough to support their classmates and show them the respect that they are given during their performances. PISSES ME OFF. Then there’s a girl in my core who gets drunk before every play she’s in. I first discovered it when we were in a cast together and we had matching water bottles. I went to get some water and accidentally got a gulp of Bacardi instead. And then I smelled her breath. She’s done it every show this year. That won’t fly in the real world, where they have 30 people they can replace you with at any given moment. Also, there’s an ass I share many classes who never shuts up, likes to hear himself talk, isn’t interested in listening to anyone else (or doesn’t know how to listen to anything but the sound of his own voice), interrupts everyone, including professors, and disrupts class constantly by doing immature things to bring attention to himself. I can’t believe I was ever close to him. Sometimes I just want to slap him- and a few other people- upside the head! Today I was supposed to lead a discussion in Modern Drama and I could even get a word in. And I was supposed to be guiding the discussion! I had tons of ideas and information prepared, for NOTHING. Everyone just kept shouting over each other, not listening, just trying to get their own ideas heard. It seems like everyone is becoming increasingly self-centered and irresponsible instead of being supportive of the group.

I’m really tired and headachy and stomach-ach-y. I’m getting over a bad sinus infection. An infection so bad that the doctor gasped in alarm/fear when he looked into my nose with his scope- thingy. I’ve had three or four sinus infection this year. I used to get a lot more before I had sinus surgery, and they were a lot more severe, but I wish I didn’t get any at all. I’m drained emotionally. Drained physically. Drained, drained, drained…

This is an important video to watch before the 2008 election and when thinking about the possibility of government controlled health care.

http://www.freemarketcure.com/brainsurgery.php